Pirates of Fleet Street
by XoXHarleyQinnXoX
Summary: What happens when you switch Turpin with Jack? Beadle with Will? Pirelli with Barbosa? And Johannah with- well... lemme just say it's hilarious...
1. Chapter 1

**Hey this is a Crossover of POTC and Sweeney Todd, I suggest u see both before reading. Plus I took out all curse words but its Sweeney Todd so some things may be graphic... oh and when I do {this} it means they is singing. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: Sweeney? **

**Sweeney: No. **

**Me: -.- Fine! Jack? Can I-**

**Jack: No.**

**Me: Fine. You both need shaves anyways...**

* * *

{But there's no place like London!} Anthony sings. {No there's no place like London.} I come up behind him looking into the sea.

"Mr. Todd?" I pay no attention to him. {You are young. Life has been kind to you,} I begin. {You will learn.}

I can feel his gaze from the other side of the ship. A ship that carries more dark secrets that I have yet to learn of.

{There's a hole in the world like a great black put and the vermin of the world inhabit it and its morals aren't worth what a pig could spit and it goes by the name of London.} I continue.

I don't notice when Anthony asks, "Mr. Todd? Why would a pig spit?" I just continue, ignoring his idiocy.

{At the top of the hole are a privileged few making mockery of the vermin in the lower zoo, turning beauty into filth. I too hav-} I stop. Someone else is singing. I haven't a clue who it would be, since Anthony is right next to me. It isn't him.

{I too have sailed the world and seen its wonders!} They finish my phrase. {For the cruelty of men is as wondrous as Peru, but there's no place like London.} They seem to know my every word as we sing in unison.

"Sorry mate. Seen the movie last week. Don't remember much, 'sept that one song. Stuck in me 'ead all week. Continue." The man says. Probably one of Anthony's crew. I choose to ignore.

"Is everything alright Mr. Todd?" He asks as we step onto the cold cobble stone streets. Darkness everywhere you turn. "I beg your indulgence Anthony," I answer. "My mind is far from easy."

I turn away looking down the black allys where a woman creeps out and grabs a cat, drags it into the pie shop, Mrs. Mooney's Pie shop.

"In these once familiar streets I feel... shadows... everywhere." He looks at me but I avoid his gaze. "Shadows?" He questions. "Ye know like ghosts? Of his mysterious- shoot I'm doing it again! Carry on!" The same man interrupting. I pay little to no attention.

{There was a barber and his wife. And she was beautiful. A foolish barber and his wife. She was his reason and his life. And she was beautiful. And she was virtuous. And he was...} Just as I'm about to finish the man interrupts again. "Niave? More like a li'l loony in the 'ead! Well not in that part... Sorry, 'gain, mate. I'll jus' go an' 'ave a pie..." Then he mumbles something I can't hear.

{There was another man who saw that she was beautiful. A pious vulture of the law. Who with the gesture of his claw removed the barber from his plate. Then there was nothing but to wait-} Anthony, this time, interrupts.

"For him to get to the point!" I'm tempted to turn around but I just sigh and finish.

{And she would fall. So young. So lost and oh so Beautiful!} I get to the point as he asked. As Though he would get it.

"And the lady, sir? Did she succumb?" He asks. {Oh, that was many years ago. I doubt if anyone would know...} I conclude.

"I'd like to thank you Anthony. If you hadn't spotted me I might've been lost at sea, still." I say, looking down at my shoe that is now standing on gum. "No prob, Mr. Todd! We should hang out sometime!"

I try to look at him but there's something moving, just left of us. "You might find me if you like. 'Round Fleet Street, I wouldn't wonder." I reply. It moves again. A person. Walking down the same path.

"See ya later then, Bro! I mean- uh... Until then, my friend." He reaches a hand out to shake mine but the figure turns around. The face of the man that took my Lucy. That stole my Joannah.

I see the face of Captain Jack Sparrow.

* * *

**Srry for not having much of Jack but in my defense: 1. I have a plan :)**

**2. I type on my phone and it's about to die... 3. These songs take FOREVER!**

**But yeah plz review or I'll give you the black spot! :) **

**(BTW what'd u think of my making Anthony 'street'? Who do you think the mystery man is? Should he be in more Chapters? And what about Jack? Should he die? Or should he live? Hmmmm? I do already have a plan though….)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 **

**Well if ur still reading u must be patient because reading through all that singing must have been... Wow lol This chapter may be really long. Brace yourselves.**

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: Hey Mr. Todd, Jack said he needs a shave!**

**Sweeney: He won't let you own him, will he?**

**Me: No... But can I-**

**Sweeney: No. But you can own this fan fiction.**

**Me: Oh gee thanks... -.-**

* * *

I follow Jack down the street mumbling to myself. "There's a hole in the world like a great black pit and it's filled with people who are filled with crap, (remember when i said no swear words?) And the vermin of the world inhabit-" I stop dead. Where did he go?

'Mrs. Lovett's Meat Pies'

The sign hangs high above my head as I search. I decide to go in, if just for a moment. Maybe they've seen him.

When I enter the shabby, dark, room I see a woman with dark auburn hair in a black lacy dress cutting up- who knows what.

She looks up and me and gasps, stabbing her knife on the cutting board. "A customer!" she walks over to me.

{Wait! What's your rush? What's your hurry? You gave me such a fight I thought you was a ghost. Half a minute, Can't'cha sit? Sit ya' down! Sit!} She pushes me into the chair and walks back over to her counter again.

{All I meant is that I 'aven't seen a customer for weeks! Did ya' come in for a pie, sir?} She continues, not noticing when I give her a weird look.

{Do forgive me if me 'ead's a li'l vague...} "Wot is 'at?" She squashes a bug crawling across the counter. {But ye'd think we 'ad the plague, from the way the people keep avoiding!} "No ye don't!' She flicks a roach off of a plate.

Now, even I, am a little creped out by her. But I don't leave.

{Heaven knows I try, sir! But there's no one comes in even to in'ale. Right you are so would you like a drop of ale?} She drops an odd looking plate of meat pies off at the table where I am sitting. They smell a little funny.

{Mind you, I can hardly blame them. These are probably the worst pies in London! I know why nobody cares to take 'em, I should know, I make 'em. But good? No! The worst pies in London. Even as polite the worst pies in London! If you doubt it take a bite!}

When I do I find that they are rather disgusting. When she isn't looking I spit it out. She empties out a cup and fills it up again with what looks like ale.

{Is that just disgusting? You'll have to concede it. It's nothing but crusting. Here drink this, you'll need it. The worst pies in London!} She hands me the ale and I take a drink and gargle it then spit in back into the cup, making a weird face at the taste as she heads back to her counter once more grabbing her rolling pin and slams down a piece of dough.

{An' no wonder wid' the price o' meat wot it is, when ya get it. Never thought I'd live to see the day, men 'ould think it was a treat findin' poor animals, wot are dyin' in the street. Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop. Does 'er business but I notice somethin' weird. Lately all 'er neighbor's cats've disappeared!}

So that's what that lady was pulling the cat into the shop for. Now that I think about it she had a butcher's knife in her hand at the time as well.

{'ave to 'and it to 'er, wot I calls enterprise, popping pussies into pies. Wouldn't do in my shop, just the thought's enough to make ya sick. An' I'm tellin' ya them pussy cat's is quick! No denying times is hard, sir, even harder than the worst pies in-}

I stop her right there.

"No means ta interrupt, mam, but I have a question." I say quickly. She just looks at me.

"Yes, sir, what's your question?" she asks not wanting me to leave. "You seen a pirate run near these streets?" She gives a strange look when I ask but only replies with, "Sorry, 'fraid not."

When she turns back to check on her pie I rub my sleeve on my tongue to get the taste out. It doesn't works so I drink some more ale.

"Trust me, dearie, it's gonna take a lot more than ale to wash that taste out. Come with me. We'll get you a nice tumbler of gin, eh?" She leads me into a room that looks like part of what may be her home.

"Isn't this homey now? Cheery wallpaper, cheap to. Here ya go, luv." She hands me a cup. I notice there's a room upstairs. Then the idea hits me.

"You've got a room over the shop? If times is so hard why don't ya rent it out?" I suggest.

"Nah, I'd never do 'at. People say it's haunted." She says looking at me. "Haunted?" I ask.

"Yeh, and who's to say they're wrong? Ya see, years 'go somthin' 'appened up there. Something not so nice." She says, sitting down in the seat next to me.

{There was a barber and his wife. And he was beautiful. A proper artist with a knife. But they transported him for life. And he was Beautiful.} She sings, looking into my eyes, but I avoid her gaze.

"Barker 'is name was. Benjamin Barker." This caught my attention. I glance at her. "What was his crime?" I try to be discreet.

"Foolishness." { He 'ad this wife ya see. Pretty little thing, silly little thing. Had her chance for the moon on a string. Poor thing, Poor thing. There was this pirate ya see. Wanted her like mad. Everyday he'd send her a flower. But did she come down from her tower?} She looks deeper into my eyes and I could swear she saw into my soul.

{Sat up there and sobbed by the hour. Poor fool. Ah, but there was worse yet to come. Poor thing.} She looks away momentarily. She stares out the window.

{A first mate calls on her, all polite. Poor thing. Poor thing. The pirate, he tells her, is all contrite. He blames himself for her awful plight. She must come straight to his house tonight, Poor thing. Poor thing.} She looks up at me.

{Course when she goes there, Poor thing poor thing, they're having a ball with masks, there's no one she knows there, Poor thing poor thing. She wonders, tormented, and drinks. Poor thing! The judge has repented, she thinks. Poor thing! Oh where is Judge Turpin she asks. He was there, alright! Only not so contrite!} Her voice is escalating in volume and I look away from her and through the window into the sky.

{She wasn't no match for such craft, ya see! And everyone thought it so doll, they figured she had to be daft, ya see, so all of 'em stood there and laughed, you see, Poor soul! Poor thing!} She keeps explaining but it's too much.

"NOOOOO!" I roar. She looks at me. "Would no one have mercy on her?" I mumble, my voice hoarse, trying to hold back the tears. "So it is you," she says and I look at her. "Benjamin Barker."

"Where is Lucy? Where is my wife?" I say, in hopes that she'll say she's safe. "She poisoned herself. Arsenic, from the apostle 'round the corner. I tried to stop her but she wouldn't listen to me. And he's got your daughter." I freeze; heart sank, but still enough left in me to ask. "He? Jack Sparrow?"

"Adopted her, like his own." She tries to find my gaze, but I avoid hers. "Fifteen years... Sweating in a living nightmare on a false charge... Fifteen years dreaming... I might come home to a wife and child..." I walk to the window peering out at the streets I used to call home.

"Well, can't say the years 'ave been particularly kind to you, Mr. Barker." She says calmly. I turn on my heel and face her. "No, Not Barker. That man is dead. It's Todd now. Sweeney Todd. And he will have his revenge."

* * *

**Hope you guys liked it, not as long as I thought it'd be but hey! That's FanFic for ya! Once again, sorry for not having much POTC in there but like i said, it's a process! I'm thinking about leaving out Anthony singing to Johanna, what 'dyou think? If I do it, it'll be funny... lol Review and I'll give you a nice fresh meat pie made of those who don't review! (jk it'll probably be beef) What dyou think about my ending? My favorite quote! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! 3**


	3. Chapter 3

First thing first: I'm telling this chapter from both Mrs. Lovett's and Mr. Todd's point of view, mainly because of 'My Friends' lil simultaneous thing...

Disclaimer:

Me: Yall are my friends! Please let me own you! Mr. Todd smile! Jack have some more rum, my friiiieeeennndddsss! My faithful friiiieeeennn-

Sweeney and Jack: No. -.-

Me: Bugga!

(Mr. Todd's POV)

"Come in!" She leads me up a flight of stairs to the room where my dreams where once happy. She opens the door and I hesitate to go in. "Nothing to be afraid of, luv!" I step in. She hurries to the other side of the room by the large window and removes a plank from the floor.

"When they came for the girl I hid 'em." She says pulling out a box. "Could've sold 'em, but I didn't!" She holds up the box in her palms as I open it, revealing my razors. They are more than that. They are my friends. "Them handles is chased silver, aint they?" she asks, fancying my little friend. "Silver, yes..." I barely mumble, loud enough for her to hear.

{These are my friends. See how they glisten. She this one shine, 'ow 'e smiles in the light,} I unfold it and show it to her. {My friend! My faithful friend!} I get up and walk to the other side of the room, unfolding another, and holding them both before me.

{Speak to me, friend. Whisper, I'll listen.} I can barely hear the words forming in the intricate mind of the razor, only open to me. {I know, I know! You've been locked out of sight all these years! Like me my friend! Well I've come home to find you waiting! Home, and we're together and we'll do wonders! Won't we?} I place one in the leather pouch on my belt and hold the other one to the light with a 'SHING!'

{You there my friend? Come let me hold you! Now with a sigh, you grow warm in my hand, My Friend! My clever friend!} I walk over to the box, nay, their home, and place one in, pulling out the other and hold it inches from my face.

{Rest now my friend! Soon I'll unfold you! Soon you'll know splendors you never have dreamed all your days! My lucky friend! Till now your shine was merely silver! Friends, you shale drip rubies! You'll soon drip precious rubies...}

For the first time in notice Mrs. Lovett standing over me, observing, me. My friend? "Leave me." Is all I say. When she does I rise slowly to my feet. I extend my arm so that my friend is pointed out the window, but I can still see him. I smirk.

"At last!" The light shines off of him. "My arm is complete again!"

(Mrs. L's POV)

I grab his hand, practically dragging his depressed butt up the stairs. "C'mon!"

I finally get him up there but he refuses to go in. "Noting to be afraid of, luv!" He walks through the door but I'm quicker. I've already removed the floor board and pulled out his box by the time he is half way cross the room. "When they came to get the girl I hid 'em. Could've sold 'em, but I didn't!" I hold them up to him.

Without even a thank you he grabs one out and twirls it. I gasp. "Them handles is chased silver, aint they?" I ask. "Silver, yes."

He calls them his friends. He shows them off a little bit. Scratch! A lot a bit. By the time he asks his razors to talk to him I'm right by his side.

{You there my friend?} He starts, but I harmonize and sing with him. {I'm your friend too Mr. Todd! If you only knew Mr. Todd!} I place my hand on his shoulder. {Ooh Mr. Todd, you're warm in my 'and!} I try to get his attention. Fail.

(For the next part [this] is Todd {this} is Lovett, only for singing. Remember this is what she hears)

[My Friend!] {You've come home!} [My clever Friend!] {Always had a fondness for you I did!} He turns away and kneels by the box place one in it.

[Rest now my friend] {Never you fear, Mr. Todd!} [Soon I'll unfold you] {You can move in here Mr. Todd!} Then we are in unison. Word for word. Note for note. Harmonizing. [{Splendors you never have dreamed all your days!] Will be yours!} [My lucky Friend!] {I'm your Friend, and now you're mine! Don't they shine beautiful?} [Was merely silver!]

{Silver's good enough for me!} [Friends!] {Mr. T?} I lean over him, listening.

[... Precious... Rubies...] he stops singing. "Leave me." I turn on heal and close the door behind me but still listen through the door.

"At last! My arm is complete again!" And he leaves me thinking. His arm is complete with his Razors, but my heart isn't complete, without him.

(Note: "Anthony" to be added later.)

(Mr. T's POV)

Next morning Mrs. Lovett drags me off to the middle of Fleet Street. There's a giant stage set up so we just stand there while a little blond boy in a hat walks around. I pay attention to this, for once.

{Ladies and Gentlemen, may I have your attention please? You wake every morning in shame and despair to discover your pillow is covered in hair? What ought not to be there? Well, ladies in Gentlemen! Now you can waken at ease! You need never again to worry or care! I will show you a miracle marvelous, rare!} The boy sings. Great. Another one of these things.

{Gentlemen, you are about to see something, what rose from the dead, on the top of my head!} He removes his hat revealing that his hair is actually around a foot long. No doubt a wig.

{'Twas Barbosa's Miracle Elixir! That's what did the trick, sir! True, sir, true! Was it quick, sir? Did it in a tick, sir! Just like an elixir ought to do!} He grabs a bottle of the stuff and gives it to a bald man in the front and opens the bottle after passing another around.

{How 'bout a bottle, mister? Only cost a penny, guaranteed! Does Barbosa's stimulate growth, sir? You can have my oath, sir, Tis unique!} He rubs some on the man's head, and then passes out a few more bottles. {Rub a minute! Stimulating, isn't it! Soon you'll have to thin it once a week!} He declares as 2 bottles come our way.

{'Scuse me ma'm, what is that awful stench?} I turn to Mrs. Lovett and she turns to me but looking around at the ground. {Are we standing near an open trench? Sir, what is that awful stench?} She taps me. {Must be standing near an open trench!} I exclaim.

He gives us a stern look. {Try Barbosa's Miracle Elixir! Anything what's slick, sir! Soon Sprouts Curls! Try Barbosa's! When they see how thick, sir, you can have your pick, sir, of the girls!} He sings. He continues, on and on. I open a bottle of the vile stuff.

{What is this?} I ask Mrs. Lovett. {What is this?} She echoes. I take a whiff of it. {Smells like *urine* (that no bad words thing? Mom classifies it as a bad word -.-) I declare, not meaning for Mrs. Lovett to stick her nose in it the way she does. {Smells like-? EW!} She yanks her head back.

I hold it to the light and we both look at it. {Looks like *urine* I sing. {Wouldn't touch it if I was you, dear!} She looks disgusted at the thing. I'm disgusted with it. I look at her. {This is *urine* with ink!}

{Let Barbosa's stimulate your roots sir!} He tries. {Keep it off your boots, sir. Eats right through!} I mock. He glares at me for a moment then continues. {Yes, Barbosa's! Use a bottle of it! Ladies seem to love it!} But Mrs. Lovett calls out, just a bit louder than I, keeping a straight face, {Flies do to!} I restrain a laugh.

Then a man with a large hat and a wooden leg walks out, glaring at the crowd.

{I am Hector Barbosa! King of the Barbers, the Barber of Kings!} He declares. "And pirate on the side!" {And I, the so famous Barbosa, wish to know 'ho 'as the nerve to say me elixir is *urine* 'Ho says 'is?} He asks

All is silent until I take a small step forward. "I do." Everyone looks at me. "I'm Mr. Sweeney Todd, of Fleet Street. I have opened a bottle of Barbosa's Elixir." I'm now at the very front, directly in front of the stage staring up at his scraggly beard.

"And I say to you it is nothing more than an errant fraud concocted from *urine* and ink. Furthermore, Signor," I continue. "I have serviced no kings, nor fought pirates." I say, truthfully. "Yet I wager that I can not only shave a cheek with 10 times more dexterity than any mountebank and fight," I pause before finishing the sentence. "Like a boss." He looks at me interested now.

"Do you see these razors?" I pull one out and unfold it holding it up for all to see. I lay them against Â£5. (five English pounds I think) You are no match, sir. Either accept my challenge, or reveal yourself as a sham." I challenge, knowing he would have to accept.

"You hear this foolish man?" He laughs. "Now, please, you will see 'ow 'e'll regret 'is idiocy! TOBY!" The boy runs up scared looking pulling up two chairs. "Who's for a free shave?" I turn around and ask, about thousand men raise their hands.

When two are selected I look over at Jack's little friend in the crowd and stare into his eyes. "Will William Turner be judge?" He walks over to the stage. "Glad as always to oblige my friends and neighbors!" he calls. "Ready?" He asks. "Ready!" Barbosa is confident. "Ready." I mumble. "The fastest, smoothest shave wins, but you must also disarm the other." He glances at me, without a sword, and hands one over. "Go."

Then I sharpen my razor, ever so carefully, and Barbosa is already lathering the man and smirking. I glare at him but continue carefully.

Just when I begin to lather the cream over the man's face Barbosa is coming at me with his sword. I swiftly pull mine out and block his swing. He locks his sword around mine and smirks. I twirl under carefully avoiding both blades. Then I rush over to the chair and continue to put cream on the man's face.

"Ahha!" Barbosa comes at me again. I yank out my sword and we clash swords while I carefully yet quickly shave the man's face. Then, once I'm done Barbosa's only chance is to disarm me and finish his shave.

He brings his sword down on mine and then flips it out of my hand. "Hahaha! You see this man thinking he could defeat- OW!" I had at that moment thrown one of my razors and it had cut his hand. "The winner is... Todd!" Turner declares. "Smart thinking. I've only in my life seen one-" I cut Barbosa off.

"I'll be taking me Â£5 now." I face him, holding my hand out and motioning for him to hand it over, which he does. "Thank you, Signor." I walk away. "Come, boy!" He calls Toby who is slapped and kicked the moment he arrives on stage.

"Suppose it's just me gentle heart," Mrs. Lovett is now standing next to me. "But I do hate to see a boy being treated like 'at." She shakes her head at looks at Turner who is looking at me who is looking straight back into his dark eyes.

"Congratulations, Mr. Todd! May I ask, Dyou have an establishment?" Turner asks to me, but I don't answer. Mrs. Lovett does as she slips my leather jacket over my shoulders, "Certainly does! Sweeney Todd's Tonsorial Parlor! Above my meat pie emporium on Fleet Street." She smiles at him.

"Thank you, sir. You are a paragon of integrity." I say to him. "Well, I try to do my best for my friends and neighbors." He replies.

"Your establishment is on Fleet Street you say?" He rubs his chin. "Yes, sir." I barely get the words out before he continues. "Then, Mr. Todd, you shall see me there before the week is out!" I smirk. "You will be welcome, William Turner. I will give you, without a pennies charge, the closest shave you will ever know." Mrs. Lovett grabs my arm and pulls me off. "Come on, luv."

And as we walk back to the shop all I can think about is that shave. Giving Turner what he deserves.

Sorry for the crappy ending guys (and girls)! I just thought it would be a good time to end that chapter since the next scene takes place (in my mind) two days after. So what'd you think of me switching Pirelli and Barbosa? And when I do *this* means I cut out a bad word. No unpleasant language so kids can read it. I mean... kids don't know what Sweeney Todd IS... anyways!

I needed more POTC... and I promise I WILL put Anthony and Johanna in! Swear it on Sweeney's razors! But I'm going to do it a little different.

*SPOILERS* After Sweeney's death Johanna thinks back to all the days when Anthony helped her and then- well I have a little Idea after that but that's too much of a spoiler.

OKAY so review and I'll give you a nice big jar of dirt and if you don't review... well... "Sweeney's waiting. I want you bleeders." - mean anything to you? Lol jk! Srsly review.


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